these are my dream feelings. we see a dream and get happy, disturbed or sad( as what happened to me just now). but every dream has a message to give, as i see it now.
i saw ashu not coming with me and leaving me alone at airport. the reason he gave me was that he wanted to stay with his family. these are my perceptions from past. they arise from places where i have felt that he gave priority to his family over me.
but what was the real thing that made me angry? wasn,t it my standing alone at some point. why i want someone to be with me? am i afraid of being with myself?
that day i was telling ashu about a person who wants to be surrounded by people as he is not comfortable with himself. strange!!! we have not lerrned to be with ourselves.
when i look back at myself it was as if i was very happy when i was alone, but i never realised it . i was fantasizing about someone who could share my fantasies. but today i see they were my fantasies. how can i see someone fitting in them as i did. wouldn,t it be violence with the other being who shared my life?
the message my dream gave me was to learn to be able to be comfortable with myself. my joys and sorrows depend on me not on my child and my husband. it is my duty to keep myself, serene, calm and comfortable, not anyone else be it my boss, my friends or my family. and same way neither of them have the power to make me disturbed or sad....., that power rests only with me ,...........tilll i realise it.!!!!!!!!!!
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ReplyDeletei wish to dissolve in your aloneness
ReplyDeletevery true! This post can be removed but every letter ( akshara-that which never turns into nothingness)written, every word , written or spoken, lives forever!
ReplyDeleteLast time ,I read this post ,I got carried away by the author's comment that this post has been removed .I did not make any comments on the contents of the blog.The content kept reverberating in my mind and brought me back to the blog again. 'to be comfortable with oneself' is the sort of realization which only very mature and reflective persons can experience. Congratulations!Keep it up.
ReplyDeleteEven desire to be confer table comes after intelligently seeing the life. most of the tie we are interested in others, either things other people,other situation, missing here and our self in relation to that.
ReplyDeleteThe zen master ,took his student to the mountain top . After three hours long journey and showed the view from their and the stones around.
Disciple's asked with surprise "this why you brought me here?"
master said,
"yes of-course journey is always more important than the destination."
thanks a lot baba, actually i was disturbed when i wrote this blog. and i wanted to keep it a secret but i published it unknowingly. now i feel(reading it again) that our most meaningful insights come out of our disturbances only.
ReplyDeletematurity is acceptance-accepting as we are;accepting the world as it is. But it is hard for most of us. There is an inbuilt resistance-resistance even to truth ;resistance to the truth that threatens our illusions-our self-beiefs-our ideas-our children-, the truth that threatens our prejudices!
ReplyDeleteAlone and Happy
ReplyDeleteIf you can be happy when all alone, you may be safely said to have found the secret of happiness. It is our pro-active mind that constantly seeks stimulation from outside world, from people and things. If the mind is at rest, silent or at peace with itself it can be content with itself and the beauty of the outside world , of authentic people and forms and shapes of nature. Such happiness comes as a bonus earned for ‘no efforts’ of the mind.